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After recounting my story at home yesterday evening, it was suggested that I fully explain the situation at the Burger King drive-thru. If you, like me, watched an abnormal amount of football over Thanksgiving weekend, you saw a commercial that involved women in a minivan trying to take out the Burger King guy for making a certain new sandwich. And if you, like me, are extremely susceptible to commercials like this, you will find yourself going to the establishment seeking the sandwich that appeared in the commercial. This is why I went to Burger King yesterday. I wanted whatever the hell that sandwich was. Slight problem. It didn't appear on any signs in the drive-thru, and because I was busy hunting for whatever this sandwich was called, I overshot the speaker. The speaker was before the second menu board, and it too had no sign establishing what the hell it was I had seen on TV. The drive-thru speaker got my attention and caused me to backup, and my consternation regarding the lack of burger signage caused me to forget all about being in reverse. The conversation at the speaker went something like this:
Speaker Guy: Can I help you?
Me: Yeah, I'd like that double melt thing that was on the commercial.
Speaker Guy: *silence*
Me: You know, it comes on bread instead of a roll...you have no idea what I'm talking about, do you?
Speaker Guy: Um, the Honey Melt?
Me: *wondering what the hell he just said as a plane flies overhead* No...y'know what? I'll have an Italian Chicken Sandwich instead.
Speaker Guy: Please drive to the second window.
And that's when I found out I was in reverse and met the woman head on in the drive-thru. So I never did get what I really came there for, and for all I know, it's not even available. So I was snookered by a commercial for a burger that exists only in the imagination of an ad exec. And nearly hit headon by a woman with a deathwish and an inability to read arrows. I don't look nearly so dumb now, do I?Labels: car, lunch, rain
I hate to drive when it rains. It's not that I don't have confidence in my driving skills, though, in full disclosure I must say that since my accident I drive on wet roads like they're covered in ice. I hate driving in the rain because it seems that rain makes drivers stupid. They lose whatever skill they had and revert to some sort of mindless drone. 60 in a 40? Sure! Tailgate on a hill in the pouring rain? Sure! Change lanes without signaling? Sure! But this one has to top them all. While waiting in the drive-thru line at Burger King today, I overshot the speaker and had to back up. This left me in reverse, which under normal circumstances might have caused an accident (and it would have been fully my fault), but, today the gods were smiling and it actually saved me from a far worse fate. See, when I was told to pull around to the second window and I went backwards instead of forward, I actually dodged someone coming at me in the drive-thru. Yes, the one-lane, curbed drive-thru seemed like just the exit for a woman in a Pathfinder. And from the look on her face when I blew my horn, she saw nothing wrong with what she did. And even luckier for me? The one place where I backed up actually gave her the egress to come around me. Yeah, it's one of those sort of days. And if you see someone in a drive-thru with their backup lights on? Give them a wide berth.Labels: car, rain
Per Frequent Citations request, I've been asked to post the seven things you didn't know about me. This is rather difficult since I've always been a particularly anonymous blogger, and to give away a number of secrets could be seen as an antithesis to what the Screaming Bean tries to be. Or, I could just be copping out here, so here's seven things I've never mentioned about me before.
1. I cannot snap the fingers on my right hand. Now, I can snap the fingers on my left hand just fine, so when people expect me to snap both my fingers, I'm just faking the right hand part.
2. Neither I nor my spouse has traveled outside North America. Of course now that I have the wherewithal to do so, the dollar has fallen to unforeseen new lows. Damn you Euro!
3. I have no male first cousins. Now that my first cousins have had children of their own, there are boy cousins, but for a long time there, nothing but female cousins.
4. I've never seen a shooting star, but I believe I may have seen a UFO when I was seven years old. My mother can corroborate this sighting. Dennis Kucinich is not nearly as crazy as you think.
5. I broke my nose when I was 8. This is a much harder feat than one would think, since as a child your nose is made of rather rubbery cartilage. Taking a face plant off a playground slide will do that to you.
6. I learned to read when I was 2. Being 2, I don't really remember much of the details. Therefore, teaching another child the technique to read would be a real challenge for me, since phonics just sort of happened. As a result, I can speed read and can take out a standard length paperback in just under 2 hours. Packing reading material for a flight is a pain.
7. And since everyone else put in a food item, I hate pickles. Yes, I hate them with a passion. I will not let them pass my lips. But ironically, I like the taste of pickle relish. Discuss.
As I'm sure Biting Tongue has never met a fruit or vegetable she didn't like, I ceremoniously tag her to give us seven insights to what it's like to be Biting Tongue.Labels: meme
Thanksgiving has always been a favorite holiday of mine. From when I was small and went to my grandmother's house to eat with 30 of my relatives, to today when it's just 3 of us at our own home, the smell of turkey and stuffing and brown-n-serve rolls just brings back all sorts of good memories. For as much as I whine here, I am thankful for a lot of things...I have a job, a house and a very loving family. I'm truly blessed. Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours.Labels: Thanksgiving
I have now spent a grand total of nearly 3 hours signing holiday cards. Not for myself mind you, but for the firm. This wasn't my idea. I had no input on the cards. Yet, I was told to sign all 500 of them by hand. Group effort and all that fun stuff. I don't send cards out to my own family most years. Yet, I'm sending to 500 people I've probably never had any contact with. And you wonder why I hate the holidays.Labels: job
Seems NY posts their bar results tomorrow. California posts Friday. When I learned this, my pulse quickened even though I have no dog in this fight. That's just the sort of response you get after you've lived through it. It's horrible. So I will cross my fingers and hope for all of you that I know who are suffering right now. It's nearly over. Don't pass out.Labels: Bar
We decided officially to start the home improvement season. When it starts getting cold and we huddle inside for warmth, our thoughts turn to tearing up the house. We have grand plans for both the bathroom and the kitchen, but we can only handle one project at a time. And since we actually do the work ourselves, it involves planning. Can't tear up the tub piecemeal, otherwise we're going to get real stinky. Can't replace the floor unless we tear up the moldings, but we also need to replace the toilet, so there's an order that needs to be followed. Add in a 4-week lead time on some of the parts and there's only some things that can be done now, with the majority done later. So we went and bought stuff, because we're good at that. Sadly though, the new toilet didn't fare so well. The tank is in great shape, but the bowl was seriously busted in the box. So now we need to return our box of shards and try and get a working one. Ah, Bob Vila...where are you when we need you?Labels: bathroom, house
I've always liked election day. It's fun to go and be democratic on occasion and then hope the people you voted for won. I'm not so good in this category. The first election I voted in, every one of the candidates I voted for lost. They weren't some weird third-party candidates either. I found it rather disheartening. And yet, I come back each year and do it again. Not because I feel it's my civic duty so much as it's fun to try and pick a winner. It's like horse racing without betting. Okay, so that doesn't sound that fun. Anyway, to the people who I actually know who are up for election today, good luck. I can't vote for you in my district anyway...but that's okay, sometimes my vote is the kiss of death.Labels: voting
Time change sucks. It messes with your internal clockiness, and you have to locate and alter each and every time piece that you own that doesn't already alter itself. Wristwatches are easy. Pull the stem, turn turn turn, push in the stem. Alarm clocks...push the button, hold the button, release the button at the right moment. My cell phone does it by itself. My computer too. But my car? For all of it's internal computerization...for all of its thinking when I'm not looking, it doesn't alter the time itself. Which means I need to figure out how to change the time on this sucker. I have no less than 5 manuals for this car. Some are for specific components. Some are cliff notes of other manuals. I'm sure there is some sort of magic handshake or button press to make it all happen, but damned if I know what it is. In the meantime, I'll just be an hour ahead. It'll be okay, I'll just be early.Labels: car
Halloween was a bit different this year than in years past. First, we had about the half the amount of trick-or-treaters we usually get. This is not because there was bad weather, or even that they didn't turn out like they usually do, but rather because they were too busy attacking each other to get candy. Our neighborhood is ground zero for children/teenagers in our area. Our street corner in particular turns out to be a show in itself. Nothing like two cop cars, 70 kids, and a bullhorn speaker saying "JUST KEEP WALKING!" to enliven an otherwise dull holiday. We inspected the house afterward, and we got away pretty clean, much to our surprise. Had to be rather careful driving to work this morning...I saw no less than 5 shaving cream cans in the street, a number of egg carcasses, and random strewn TP. But I do have a bunch of leftover candy. Who's up for a Junior Mint?Labels: candy, halloween
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