I used to have hobbies. I used to read real books. I had a couple goals when I entered law school, learn to ski and learn to play golf. Skiing, didn't go so well though I did do some cross country. Golf? Never got the chance. Since I was working the last two summers, I never really got the opportunity. The spouse has been golfing since the age of 5. No one in my family golfs. Now that I'm a lawyer (*giggle* *giggle* *snicker*) I figured I should take it upon myself to learn the fine game of golf. Therefore, I take off tomorrow for the wilds of golf school. Yes, bar review wasn't enough class for one summer, I need to punish myself even more. So when I get back, I'll be a bit more tan and hopefully not too terribly frustrated. See you on the other side.
Did you know it's summertime out there? Did you know I never have to go to school again? Did you know I'm unemployed? It's a lot to take in at one time. So I painted a mailbox. And I went for a drive and bought sweet corn and plums. And I sat under the trees with my grandfather and talked about how nice it was out. I'm coming to terms about where I am, and right now it's not a bad place to be.
And as quickly as it began, it ended. It's been one hell of a rollercoaster ride of emotion today. Was not nearly as perky going into this morning's session, and began the first 100 with a large series of yawns. Today, I changed up shirts and went with the Bar Exam Ruined My Summer one. I wish I had bought a half dozen, I could have done a brisk business during the breaks. Having learned my lesson in the PMBR 3 day nightmare, I took this test about half speed. As a result, each question became a matter of life and death for me. Yet, after 2.25 hours I found myself finished. I also felt like I was physically finished. My brain hurt. I wanted to blog about all the questions that struck me absolutely nuts, but all the warnings about copyright scared me. Suffice it to say, one question would have been far more entertaining had there been a golf ball shot off the tee, getting stuck in the barrel of a shotgun held by a drunk minor causing the gun to explode. I had to really rally myself to go back in for the final session. I felt like I was hiking through mud. A few times I caught myself reading jibberish. I'd go back to the beginning of the question and start anew. At 150 I did an internal cheer. At 175 I could see the end. 190 to 200...a struggle. And boom, the clouds cleared. I wandered out into the light, blinked, put on my sunglasses and left for the last time. Finis.
One day in the books. Anticipation was the worst part. I wore my cool Bar Exam t-shirt (not state specific). The proctor got a real kick out of it. She told me she hopes I pass the first time just because of the shirt. Today was the essay day, plus 50 multiple choice questions. The 50 multiple questions gave me flashbacks to other exams I've taken, but the essays were doable. This is neither the time nor the place to shoot the moon, but rather just keep it simple, to the point, and concise. Lunch was delightful. I camped out under a tree, it was breezy and I ate my lunch picnic style while listening to my iPod. That'll put you in a good mood for the second half. There was some predictions floating about regarding the last two state essays, but one of them was way off. The MPT wasn't bad. I've reviewed a few examples of them, but could never seem myself clear to actually writing out a full one. This one lent itself well to a full blown persuasive letter. I schmoozed it well. I included everything I noticed worth including. Yup, I'll be going back tomorrow.
I didn't freak when I took the SATs. I didn't freak when I took the LSATs. I didn't crumble on national TV. So why am I sitting in my living room at 12:30 in my pajamas feeling all sorts of nauseous? This is awful. Why did I put myself through this? Why did I go to law school?
The light is at the end of the tunnel. And damn straight if it isn't a train. So now it's a matter of trying to jump on this sucker without getting run over. And I'd be lying if I didn't say I wasn't thinking about the aftermath. It's very easy to think about all the things I want to do afterward. The house needs cleaning desperately. I get to go to golf camp. I need to find a job. I want to paint things. I'll go to the gym. But now, I'm in a holding pattern. I want it to start, but I don't. I doubt I'll ever know the full extent of things I need to know. But can I know enough to get through this?
Inflict fear on your friends and neighbors...show them your blue PMBR book. Ran into a fellow studier today in Starbucks and was like, "Damn, those questions are hardcore." You betcha. I'm not sure I have a plan at this point other than to fill my head with as much crap as I can. I know they've told us more than a few times that this exam cannot be crammed for, but y'know what? MBE questions aren't cramming, it's more trying to expose myself to as much material as possible to see if I can't recognize stuff. I'm already recognizing other questions already, so I think it's working. Just give me my iPod, a tall Mint Chocolate Chip Frappucino and a blue PMBR book.
Tuesday is the Bar Exam? I hadn't heard that. This could explain why I felt the need to go to bed at 9:45 last night. I don't barf, I don't have panic attacks, I sleep. Body decides the best way to handle it is not to. I got about 12 hours of sleep last night. So either I'm the biggest lazy butt ever, or I'm ready for the final push. Let's go with the latter.
It's all about being proactive, right? Sit through the PMBR class, suck up the ego and break open the Blue book. I can do this. Sit down and start working the questions ten at a time. Torts, probably not the best to start out with but hey it's first in the book. Proceed to get about 7 out of 20 right. Bang head against desk. Go on to Contracts. Work through another 20 and get about 70% right this time. Hmmm. Try out Crim. Happy medium. Hey. Should I be doing this much MBE? Essays won't write themselves, but I'm learning the law, right? What's another 600 questions among friends.
I had heard that PMBR is there to scare you. I had heard that it's a good review before the test. I didn't know what to think. So I went, and if the purpose is to decimate your ego and make you want to cry then it was highly successful. Timing is not even an issue, because I seemingly read these questions far faster than anyone I know. This does nothing in the comprehension so it seems. I came home, corrected the exam and felt my stomach flip. Wow, I am an idiot. What the hell have I been doing this last month? Had I not done 500 or so questions already? What the hell? I'm still scrubbing the numbers to define some patterns, but the more I dwell on it the worse I feel. So I'll go tomorrow and Wednesday and call it studying. I didn't need this sort of doubt in my head right now.
It dawned on me tonight that we never got our diplomas. We were told at graduation that we'd be given our diplomas during July in bar review. Well newsflash, we're done. Not everyone is doing PMBR 3-day, so now what? I don't want that sucker folded into my mailbox...gimme my diploma!
Damn it was a long day. Of course, we brought it on ourselves. As a whole we decided to double up today so that we don't have classes tomorrow. We got our marching orders. We got predictions, we got a pep talk. We got our fingers worked to the bone. We had pizza. I'm tired. I'm not scared. PMBR begins Monday. I'm taking the advice to heart that this isn't just for me but for everyone who loves me. Let's make this one count.
Quote of the day: Is it too late to go to medical school?
And yes, I do believe it is. Further, why oh why did I take all the bar courses? Now I sit in class bored to tears. I took Trusts & Estates...I took Estate Planning...I took Probate Court Procedure. Do I really need to sit through gifts and wills? I'm losing my mind here...only one more day. That's my mantra now...one more day.
After the spouse came home and peeled me off the ceiling, I was told a few things I failed to notice when I came home. Seems the stake people not only left a stake but also edged the driveway in preparation for the driveway sealing. They had moved a couple garbage cans near the driveway as well. Yeah...didn't exactly notice that. And of course, just as I was developing my entire concept on how contracts would prove the company's default, the doorbell rang. We needed to move the cars. Yeah, I decided I should call the company back and retract any sort of rant I may have left on the machine. I can't exactly say what my tone was on the phone the first time, given the circumstances. So yes, the car is in the yard and the driveway is nicely blackened. Time to put my neurotic forces to better use.
I'm trying hard. I'm trying to shoehorn oodles of knowledge into what I'll readily admit is a large head, but still... However, I've begun to think the fates are colluding against me. Things pop up that I really don't need to have happening right now. So far, a missing/never sent ATM card for a brand new bank account, Bank of America screwing up my consolidation for me, and the newest crisis, the sealing of the driveway. Thursday my driveway was supposed to be sealed. I set up the appointment and was told to make sure there was no cars in the driveway. Not a problem. Except that it poured. No sealant. Friday, it rained again...no sealant. Nothing done over the weekend. Today, I came home from review and put the car in the driveway since nothing had been done. There was no stakes in the lawn and no phone calls regarding possible rescheduling. I just went out to get the mail and found a bill in my door dated 7/7 for a sealant that never happened and a stake in the corner of my lawn. I blew. It's probably good for the receptionist that she was on the other line just now and I had to leave a message. If a stake in my lawn is considered a driveway sealant and they expect me to pay $75 for the privilege, we'll see just how much contracts I've learned this month. There is no hell like a bar exam student scorned.
Okay, today I snapped. I'll admit it. When you go into a 6 hour review session, you're not in the best frame of mind and when it descends into a level of hell heretofor unrealized, somethings got to give. I only lasted 3 hours. This was an effort in itself. In those three hours we typed no less than 12 pages of notes. I type quickly enough, but the fingers were having issues keeping up today. The feeling slowly drained out of my left arm. I moved the laptop to my lap. The pain in my shoulders started. The lecturer made a comment about doing us a favor by putting us through this. I began to mutter expletives in response. The same sentences came up verbatim more than once. I stopped typing them. When we broke for lunch, I broke period. I went to my car and left for home. Thank goodness PMBR has Constitutional Law outlines. It saved my sanity and my arm. And now I'll stop typing because my arm is starting to twinge out again. Till later dear friends...
Damn good thing this bar review stuff is almost over. I'm beyond cranky. This isn't due to stress, it's due to having to go this friggin class everyday. Why did I take the courses I did? Because they're on the bar. So I get to sit through them all again? This sucks! I realize it's called review for a reason, but damn man I just got done with Crim Pro. Do I need to hear that a person can't waive Miranda once they've asked for counsel? Do I need to spend my Saturday hearing this? My hands keep going numb while typing, I want to throw things at the screen, and I whine incessantly at home. Just let me study and get this over already!
I don't normally wake up all at once. I sort of drift in and out and have the TV turned on to the news. This sometimes results in somewhat surreal dreams. How sad I was to find out that what I had thought I had made up was actually real. Take the fear and panic of the Madrid bombings and put them underground. The BBC has some of the best coverage I've seen so far, and is constantly being updated. There was one part of me that wondered that had London not gotten the Olympics whether this would have happened today or whether this is all weird serendipity.
So London gets the 2012 Olympics. I really thought Paris would, but perhaps this is arising from Jacques Chirac's crack about British cuisine being the worst after Finland. Never having either, I can't say for sure, but way to piss off the British! We've only been working on relations for what...the last 200 years or so?
Hope your holiday is going well. I'm trying to enjoy myself, as much as possible with this Damocles sword hanging over my head. It hasn't been all work though. I got to go to a picnic yesterday and also went to the driving range with the spouse. I'm learning golf, dontcha know. The driving part, not so hot, but the chipping? I'm all about chipping. If I develop a backswing perhaps I'll be able to hit past 120 yards, but in the meantime I'm all about the short game. What can I say, I share my maiden name with a very famous golf teacher, so I'm hoping there's some inherent skill that I just need to tap.
Is isn't ironic that How Appealing declared Sandra Day O'Connor's retirement as a joke earlier this week? Turns out he was just terribly prescient. Guess the call of the range is too strong to stay in her robes.