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Realism has set in...I have no idea what I'm doing at work. I know that your first real attorney position is a learning experience, but I know nothing. I'm in a highly complex line of work, and all of my previous experiences haven't prepared me for this at all. My boss is a great mentor, albeit it in a semi-socratic method, but I just want to sit in my office and cry. I feel stupid all the time, and the feeling never goes away. I go home exhausted, and wake up wanting to just put the covers up over my head. What have I done?
I thought I'd take this point in time, before the turkey sleepies kick in, to wish all of you out there a great holiday. The dinner/lunch/almost breakfast (because the turkey cooked quick) was a big hit, right down to the brown n' serve rolls and cottage cheese. Because, you know it's not a holiday without either of those. I even broke out the vintage turkey statuettes that I didn't get a chance to use at Thanksgiving. The pie is in the oven, and the timer is set, I have whipped cream and am not afraid to use it. Here's hoping that you and yours are having a great time, and don't worry about the turkey sleepies.
It's Christmas Eve, so I had Chinese food. Now normally we eat Chinese food on Christmas itself, but since we decided to recreate Thanksgiving for Christmas Day, we had to move up the whole Chinese food schedule. Also had to fit in the burgers for dinner concept...cause we have to keep it real. We went to the mall too, more in the hunt for a replacement universal remote, but still to point and laugh at all the frustrated panicked shoppers. Long long lines at Customer Service for gift certificates, long long lines at the gift wrapping kiosk, and people who looked like they were either going to drop of exhaustion or burst into tears. Got to love a holiday that makes people go through this. Instead, I'm home with a glass of wine trying to do some housecleaning before my mother comes over tomorrow for lunch and makes fun of my dust bunnies. And seeing as how I'm blogging right now, I can't say I'm being too terribly productive on the cleaning front. On Swiffer, On Endust, On Windex and Clorox!
I've survived until Thursday. I know slightly more now than I did on Monday. Problem with starting a job like this at the end of the year is that the firm is so manic, there's not much time for hand-holding, or much else for that matter. I try to pick up and pitch in where I can, but I do more than my fair share of thumb twiddling. I feel rather guilty about this, but I figure it's just a matter of time before I'll be able to do much more.
Today is the first day of Winter. It hits about 7:30 tonight. Normally I'm a pessimist at heart, and this would depress me to no end, but it's one of the rare times I look at the glass as half-full. Today may be the shortest day of the year...but that means tomorrow the days start getting longer. WOO! Yeah for solstices!
I'm working now. I am like a real live associate, except somewhere after law school I forgot how this was supposed to work. Maybe it's because I've been a wage slave for so long that I expect people to tell me when to come in, go home, go to lunch. All this autonomy is damn hard to get used to. I'm reading documents I don't understand, using a Mac, and trying to keep my travel mug from leaking like a sieve. Though I must say, the people here are great and have fantastic taste in music. iTunes in a work setting rocks...and I haven't even added my iPod to the mix yet. I have five picture hangers in the wall just begging to have something hung on it. I have a window. I have a bookcase. I brought my daruma. Now, if I could only understand what I'm reading here, I'd be a much happier camper.
Yes, Beanie is older today. And that's okay. This year just kept getting better as it went on. Tomorrow I start my new job. I got to go out for both a fantastically romantic evening at a country inn and a rockin' concert all in one weekend. I may have been one of the older members of the audience of the concert (damn 16 and up show), but it was a blast all the same. My ears are still suffering the after effects today, and that's with the earplugs. But it still ranks up there with great birthdays I've had...and this is the 32nd one. And did I mention cake? Gotta have cake.
I didn't get dressed yesterday. I hung out all day in lounging pants and a t-shirt. And slippers, can't let the feet get chilly. I watched TV. I played computer games. I ate a leisurely lunch. I also felt like a total grub ball, but that goes with the territory. And I think that's a good vacation day. Still have things left on the list to do, but it'll get done. Hooray for vacation!
I haven't had a vacation in a while. This proved itself today in spades when I attempted to do everything on my list in one day. I dropped off dry cleaning. I called the dentist and set up an appointment. I ordered flowers for my friend who had surgery today. I bought a bean necklace. Yes, Beanie needed a bean on a chain. I bought some suits. I bought some shoes. I made time for lunch. I bought some more stuff after lunch. I was doing laps at the mall. I got my watch fixed. I bought wires and plugs for my car. And that was just Monday. At this rate I'm going to need another vacation. I still haven't gotten my car washed, picked up my dry cleaning, gone to the dentist, organized my closet, finished my paperwork for the Bar, returned my library books, or cleaned my house. I need a nap.
Today's my last day of temping. And honestly, it can't come too soon. I need a new adventure, need to stretch a little. I need to get benefits other than parking. I will not miss this commute. My new commute, about 5-10 minutes. So if for no other reason than that, I'll have to come up with new reasons to blog. Over the years I've ranted more than my fair share about traffic and driving. I woke up early, I went in early after hunting for my car keys for about 15 minutes and freaking out...imagine having to call in the last day saying, "I can't come in, I've lost my keys." I'd like to leave early tonight too, but I doubt that'll happen since I'm temping in two departments now. There is no bon voyage lunch, no card, no pat on the back, but you know what? Doesn't matter. I got an offer. I'm going to be an attorney. And in the words of Stuart Smiley, "I'm Good Enough, I'm Smart Enough, and Doggone It, People Like Me!"
Yes, it is true. At long long last, Beanie got a real live attorney job. The job I interviewed for last week turned around even faster than I would have hoped and I had an offer sitting in my email when I got to work this morning. And oooeee, was I excited. So, my timetable has come to this. I finish temping Friday. While it would be nice to give them all the notice in the world, I'm still a temp and I'm supposed to start the new job on the 18th. I want some time off first! The news is spreading like wildfire here though, by telling a few select people. I'm nervous as hell, but excited as all get out. I doubled my earning capacity overnight! Maybe this law school thing will work out after all.
There was a dusting of snow on the ground this morning when I got up. This seemed to have the immediate result of freaking out everyone in a 50 mile radius of my home. By the time I left the house for work, our streets were salted and in some cases actually dry, but people were driving as if they were oiled. Of course, I still wasn't actually late for work, but I understand a lot of people were.
The word is out at work that I'm up for grabs (so to speak) and departments are trying to put a claim on me. Not as an attorney mind you, but as an all-around helper. I might be a secretary, I might be someone else's assistant, all I know is I'm going to be a nomad. No real phone, no real desk, just here there and everywhere, and that depresses me. More than once this week I've thought about just plain not showing up, but I'm not that sort of worker. My ambition is fleeing with every passing day, because I just get the impression that I'm seen here as a chump that needs a check. While that's not untrue, I have ambitions and skills far beyond the standard temp, and have now worked here 7 months. Was it really necessary to remind me yesterday that because of my temp status I won't be getting a bonus? *sigh*
Not thinking it's possible to get a new job during the holidays hasn't kept me from throwing my resume into the hunt. And sure enough yesterday actually found me on an interview. Interviews are always iffy propositions for me, and this one was no exception. Ever interview for a position you really know nothing about? Even with a law degree and a smidge of business knowledge, I went to this interview yesterday without a clue as to what the firm did, and came clean about that right up front. Luckily, no one except the people who do this work actually understand what it is that they do, so I got a lovely explanation which I think I might have understood a third. It's a possibility certainly, and a decision will be made in the next two weeks, so Beanie may yet be an attorney with a cool gig. But I'll tell you, nothing like someone saying that they actually want to see you and talk to you about being an attorney for real to perk up the ego. Even if I might be in denial that I actually am going to be one...but that's something for another day.
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